The Window
by Mythalie169-TreeSpirit169
Summary: Ah. The window…the window I’ve made entrance of many, many times, and the window I’ve gone through leaving many, too many things unresolved to burden you."-Two piece 'story' on bits of Soubi's thoughts as he goes through this day.OOC and Yaoi obviously
1. The Window

Warning: minor spoiler.

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He looked up in fear; all I wanted to do was soothe him. Could I not do that? A simple embrace? I reach up and hold him from behind. I gently place my chin on his shoulder and hope that he will love me at least one millionth of how much I love him. Ah. But now I realize. He was not afraid of me…of this person in front of us…of his mother. He fears the solitude he so humbly asks for. He dreads the fact that he doesn't know what he is doing, that he is so much younger than I, and what we might be doing…the consequences of it. I know. I know my sweet little butterfly, I know. These eyes that have been accused of various degrees of perversity are nothing but love and understanding for you, Ritsuka.

Oh my Ritsuka. I love you. If I have to say it more I will; I love you , Ritsuka. I love you, Ritsuka. I love you, Ritsuka. Your eyes so young have seen many things no one wishes upon a child-or not. Maybe that's a one of many I love about you, Ritsuka. How you are so much older than your physical body will allow, that you know so much more about things than I, that your innocence clears away the murky haze and toxic gases from you, and allows you to see the world more clearly than I. I love you, Ritsuka. I do. I do, Ritsuka. I love everything about you, Ritsuka. I love the way your tail swishes happily at the mere sight of me, and how you press your ears down against your scalp in hopes you don't appear too exultant at my approach, oh and how you fight your blush.

Oh Ritsuka…I love everything about you. Your body, too young to know the physical side of love other than my kisses, yet those eyes, Ritsuka…Oh those eyes…They reveal everything about you, Ritsuka. Everything. The admiration and love for me. Me, Ritsuka. Me. A horrible, ugly, earless adult. And when you grow irritated or angry, one look at those eyes makes me want to kill the cause; but then again, I'm usually the initiator.

And when I look into those godly eyes, no matter the emotion…Ritsuka…you're always so sad. So lonely, Ritsuka. When we go out, I know you worry for your mother…for the Seimei that abandoned you to prove to himself you loved him. For the 'friends' you have at school. I know you are human, Ritsuka. I know that. I know that by human nature, by _yours_, Ritsuka, that you make 'friends' quite easily. And I love the naitivity in your eyes when you talk about them. And I'm happy for you. Ritusuka, I am. But it is in _my_nature to want to be the only one for you. The only one you think of, dream of, talk about, envisage, direct your attention to, love; me. Me, Ritsuka, me. Not the friends. Not your abusive mother who may or may not care about you. Or Seimei. The Seimei still alive and waiting for you. I want all of your attention. Everyday. Every hour. Every minute. Me, Ritsuka. Focus on me. Please? Please...?

That is what I want, Ritsuka. But the great web of chains and thorns that God has laid out is full of pitfalls and demons, Ritsuka. Tempation. That's all. I've given in. It is a sin. Greed. Gluttony. Call it that, now that I've sampled what your love is, Ritsuka, I cannot live unless you tell me when we meet in thirty-one minutes and twenty seconds…nineteen…eighteen…seventeen… that you love me. But knowing you, Ritsuka, your shy self, that quiet and humble Ritsuka that blushes at every word that leaves me, you won't. But its okay, Ritsuka. You let me know every other possible way that your young, little body can, that you love me. That you love me. Me, Ritsuka. Me. I know.

How? 'How?' you ask? I know what the love from you to your mother looks like, Ritsuka. It's a damaged honeysuckle. Something, a love, that was once so sweet and perfected by nature that no amount of salt could bitter it. That love that has been trampled on and set aflame to by too many things done wrong to the poor woman. That is her gift of nature. A damaged honeysuckle flower and nectar. Seimei's…Seimei's flower is more durable, heartily connected. Burnt…and falsely misleadingly, slowly regenerating. A snakes tounge. The protective layer around the center has safe-guareded you many after many times before Seimei's disappearance, and even after, in some of my space in your head, you think of him and it gives you courage.

Our flower, Ritsuka…Oh its so beautiful, Ritsuka. It has no name, for a love like ours has never been conquered before. A love that has no name, so many insecurities, so many defaults, so many wrongs in it, is still by far, the most beautiful of everything I have - except for you.

Now, Ritsuka, now. I can bear it no longer, the fresh, air-polluting stick I've placed in my mouth in a futile attempt to calm my nerves is no match for your sweet, amiable, unconquerable adoration. I want you to call me and order me to pick you up, to storm into that room, lift you out of your chair and storm back out - taking care to gently close the door upon our leave, of course, your poor teacher probably hates me - but I don't care. I don't care at all for that person.

Lost in my thoughts and memories of you, time has frozen, thawing at an unbearable rate…a mere five minutes has passed, and I look back up into the classroom I've memorized, the seat I can see from here that you'd be in, that black hair, the…dead eyes…that would be looking out of the window everywhere. Everywhere, yes. Everywhere, but still not seeing me…

What's this?! You look down at me! You can see me! Ritsuka! Ritsuka! Oh, my Ritsuka…you blush and furiously look down at your legs. I can't see anything more that your neck, chest maybe, but I can tell... When you don't want me to know something, you shove your hands between your thighs in hopes of preventing any fiddling or uncontrollable shaking of them. Oh, Ritsuka. You're so beautiful. The phone in my pocket vibrates, the movement of the phone playing our tune. I fetch it, greatly eager, too much, but needing to keep a calm façade as to imitate you in giving a lack of knowledge, not wanting the other to know how much pleasure a simple gesture would bring.

'_What are you doing, Soubi?!' _The message says. I reply, '_Chuu, Ritsuka. I'm waiting for you._' The message is sent after the pressure on that green little button, and I turn, slowly, but again, eagerly, hoping to see your face as you receive it. Aw, my lovely little Ritsuka…I can see your blush from here. Your ears are hiding, worshiping your skull, and your cheeks are struggling to stay at a frown as you unsuccessfully attempt to glare at me.

You look down for a bit, and my phone soon begins its most loved pattern again. I open that wonderful little piece of technology, and read what it is you've said. '_Soubi! I know you were waiting for me…I meant, why are you smoking on school grounds?! …How long have you been waiting?'_

Oh my beautiful Ritsuka. Considerate as ever…'_Do you want me to put it out? And I haven't been waiting long.'_Was two hours long? Oh my Ritsuka, I can't wait until you get out of school. I'm going to pull you closely to me, as I do every day, and vow never to let go until commanded, at which point only my concern for your small lungs brings me to break it.

These texts have been going on forever, my exaggeration and I enjoy it immensely. I've asked you what you're doing, and you reply nothing. It's bad…you should be paying attention to your schoolwork, but I'm all too happy to have your attention to say what you are doing wrong. In one of those heavenly messages, you grace me with a kiss. Cyberetically of course, but it was still a kiss if you participated too. Finally, you reply, '_I'll see you in a minute, Soubi…'_ and I've known for quite a while now that when you said that, you meant the teacher was being a horrible klutz and decided to let you out a bit early.

Thank you, thank you whatever god there is that also takes pleasure in my time with you, Ritsuka, for here you come now; head down and eyes falsely guarded as you endure the painful wraith of the bosomous, pink haired, overly loquacious, sixth grader beside you, and the other quiet one that seeks after her….and that I think Kio would absolutely adore.

And now my attention is back to you, the shortest…the most complex, the most fair, and the most unreplacablest of all. I saw you peer at me under those glossy lashes, then quickly look back down with a blush that you know was caused by the obviousness of the motion.

***

Night has now come, I've spent most of it with you, you've ordered me to depart, and I have. And now I don't know what to do with myself. I've gone through all the motions of preparing to sleep, mostly for Kio…but as I sit on my balcony…waiting…hoping for you to call me back to you, I find that tonight I will receive no rest, no rest at all if I cannot see you once more. I dress casually, as casually as I can for a midnight stroll in the streets of Japan, and set off to see you. Even if you are asleep, I still wish to touch your precious face once more.

Almost there, I'm almost there, Ritsuka. I'm on your street, nearing your house, that blue and white house your mother has decided to repaint…

Ah. The window…the window I've made entrance of many, many times, and the window I've gone through leaving many, too many things unresolved to burden you.

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**_AN: First chapter of two (maybe? more?); a simple piece of writing that I found not too long ago, thought I should post it. _**


	2. My Savior

**Disclaimer: I don't own.. Warnings: Bit o' gore, a few religious references.**

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As quietly as I can manage, I tug the handle sideways, somewhat surprised by its ease along the metal plate of its rail in result of the many times I've come through here soaking your floor.

There you are, Ritsuka. Aww, Ritsuka. Bundled in covers and sitting at your computer, oh how I wish I could have something to save this memory- a quick mental picture is all I can do at the moment.

You jump at the sudden feel of my head on yours, my arms surrounding your shoulders, and I laugh, already feeling your scowl build up. Tentatively you grab onto my shirt sleeve, pressing your head to the muscle there and rubbing your cold little nose against it. Cold? Only now does the lack of humanly temperature sink in. Why is it so cold in here? I move my hand off of his shoulder and hold his chin, lifting it up to face me. Ritsuka… Ritsuka… will you never know how lovely you are? How … how tempting and adorable you are? Those wiser-than-the-world eyes of yours, half-lidded with a sleep unrecieved by you, and those pink cheeks…such a small face, Ritsuka…I can hold it all in my hand, it's all too adorable… slowly, slowly as to not frighten you in your exhausted state, I turn the chair to face me as I kneel on both knees and wrap my arms once again around you. '_Ritsuka?'_ I call. He shivers, not by effect of me, but by effect of another severe, sudden drop in temperature.

'_Ritsuka!'_ That woman. What is she doing now…

'_Ritsuka! Ritsuka, come down here! It's winter, Ritsuka! You love the winter! Let's go outside and play!'_ What is she doing!? It infuriates me that I can't do anything to her, that the shaking boy whose face I now hold has forbade me to harm that… that…_creature_. How dare she hurt my Ritsuka! _'S-she's trying to freeze me out of the h-ha-house…' _Ah. Well. If that's what she's trying to do…

I offer to steal you away, Ritsuka. In this matter, to steal you from this home, no…this house. This is no home for you. A home is where you should be loved. I offer to steal you from this house, and you look up at me- thinking I know, your brilliant little mind is always thinking; 'What's the best thing to do here?' 'Who is the best thing to do for?' 'What will happen?' 'What do I want?' 'How do I get it?' 'Who is going to have to get hurt?' 'Anyone?'

You shake your head after a short moment and decline with the explanations and excuses of that wretched woman downstairs to support it. Sighing with closed eyes, I lean in and kiss you - yes, there's that darkening pink I love - agreeing to stay with you for a while and warm you I pull you from your chair and into my chest (oh how wonderfully you fit there). Walking to the bed I hear you saying something, I can't quite catch it but I know you're saying something…what is it, Ritsuka, what? You've changed your mind? Yes? Come with me, Ritsuka. Please, please, PLEASE, say you'll come with me. '_S-Soubi…'_ Another decrease in temperature, and in the short time I've been here, it's already starting to affect me. That stupid thing downstairs screams up to your room, 'Come down, Ritsuka, let me harm you, let me kill you.' I can't breathe. That…the thought…the thought of you, Ritsuka… No…no, Ritsuka… Seimei… it's the same as if he _was_ dead…._was_ killed, I went though those emotions… the death of a loved one… I can't think of what I'd do if it was you, Ritsuka.

You look up at me, I can't see you, but I can feel your otherworldly gaze upon me, anxiousness building up. I lift you, such a light, _cold_, little thing, and hold you against me. That same cold, little nose is pressed against my neck, those same cold, little fingers clutch my shirt. Your hair is so nice…so soft and fluffy, and…messy, but it's a look of complete handsomeness that only you can pull off. Slowly I rub my cheek in small circles against your head; the small movement causing the slightest, no, _smallest_ (do you catch my _small_ unnoticable emphasis, Ritsuka?) sliver of warmth. I seat us in the chair you were in previously, barely any heat there, and cradle your head. '_Soubi…why'd you come?' _To see you, Ritsuka, because I knew that you'd sit later, staring at your phone and wish that I would call, wish that I would end your mental torture of 'I should call him, but what if he's busy? What if he's asleep? What if he doesn't want me to call him right now? What if what if what if.' '_I came to see you, Ritsuka.' _I say with a smile and a light touch to the tip of his slightly reddened nose. I know you need the reassurance, and this is your reprieve. '_S-Soubi.'_ He says softly, and I can tell that it means you're about to cry, Ritsuka, or sleep._ 'Yes, Ritsuka?' 'W-Would you die, w-w…for me?' _I wonder briefly on his sudden change of words but cast it off as one of Ritsuka's odd ways of speaking. Seimei had once asked me that. He asked me that countless times before I was marked, the last time- the day I was carved. '_Yes, Ritsuka. I would die for you anytime. I love you, Ritsuka.' _I throw in for his benefit. I feel a slight movement at my shoulder and know he is smiling.

'_Ritsuka! Ritsuka! Ritsuka, please! Open the door! Open the door for your mother! Come on, Ritsuka! Open the door! Now! Don't disobey me!' _One day, I hope Ritsuka will let me hurt her. Not even _kill_ her, but _hurt_ her. She'd still be alive if I crippled her, Ritsuka…let me?

Her knocking, banging rather, gets louder, and it's apparent that she'll stay there all night if she has to. Ritsuka gives a final squeeze, and I do so back, for I know that he's about to tell me to leave, to tell me to sleep and he'll try and do the same. '_Soubi…Soubi I think you should go now…' _How adorable…lowering his head as he stands, his despair obvious. '_If that's what you want.' _I look down at him as I myself stand, knowing that he wants to shout out, 'No! That isn't what I want! You just…you just can't stay here. I'm frightened of sleeping in the same bed as you, but I want to hold on and never let go. I want to leave here, but I don't…I _can't_ leave my mother.'

Reaching down I gently tug at his left virgin-ear, a sweet nickname I've adopted for his, perverse maybe, but I'm the only one who will ever hear it. He looks up: those eyes, those purple crystals, piercing and intelligent, reflecting the joyous sunlight and magnifying the ever-feared dark. '_Don't worry, Ritsuka. I'll come and see you tomorrow.' _He nods slowly, those same puddles of grape gelatin falling to my hand, sadly looking at the circular scars left by Zero's nail. I put my hand on his head and kneel before him. Now equal height I pull him close, my right hand behind his head, my left, at his back. Again, ever so slowly at the pace that is Ritsuka, my right hand is removed and I look up. He's frowning at the mark and brings it to his lips. He kissed it. The most un-Ritsuka-like gesture I've seen so far… he carefully releases that hand, only to bring up the left one and kiss the scar there too. I look up at him now, reading the now wine-like viewful orbs. Sorrow. A look very much accustomed to Ritsuka. I smile, conveying my wordless dismissal of it. He smiles back, a small, ha-ha, small… smile, and I lean in to kiss him a final time before I depart- that wretched woman still banging away at his door with cries of 'Ritsuka, Ritsuka, open the door! Are you okay?!'

I make it back to my apartment, Kio still sleeping on the bed-n-couch( he bought that a while ago, telling me without my actual care, telling me without my actual care as to _why_ he did so, that it was because he was at my apartment long enough, but my refusal to sleep in the same bed dehearted him I think…) with a ridiculously large human-sized pillow he claimed as his between his legs and hugged between his arms, drool and only God- myself and Kio- knows what else lower on the cloth.

I step into my room. Stopping in the spot I am after I close the door, and already just _know_ that I'll not get any sleep tonight. Walking right back out the door I pause in the living room just long enough to grab Kio's motorbike keys out of the key bowl in the hallway before continuing on down to the ground floor parking lot.

Ah. Tonight's air is quite calm. It smells like mulberries…although I just passed a incents shop…so I can't say for sure that it's the night's smell.

The sky is cloudy, looks like it's going to rain soon…maybe that's what the night should smell like? Rain? I've stopped the bike already… leaning against it I think I'll light a smoke. Ritsuka's behavior was odd. He's never been that straightforward, although I'm not complaining…

Maybe I should stop by his house…once more, just to check on him…just to check. No, Soubi. Ritsuka doesn't need you spying on him as he sleeps…But maybe… I mean.. what if his mother got through the door? So what if she did…she wouldn't harm him any more than usual…I'll check on him on my way back just in case.

I spend a good bit of time there. A hill, the highest I could find in this town, a clear place to think…a clear place to paint…a good place for a picnic; maybe I'll bring Ritsuka here tomorrow. Yes, that would be a good idea, I'll bring him here tomorrow, then afterwards, I'll take him to the movies, or to the movies and then here? But he'll be tired surely, after the picnic, so it's better to have the picnic, and then to the park? Just to walk around…or the picnic and then the plaza, and then maybe a movie, or a movie and then a picnic, surely he'd be tired after a picnic though?

I find my thoughts repeating, and almost subconsciously I've mounted the bike, slowing down and speeding up, watching the world fly by me - or come crawling as if it was injured, raped, and needed saving – through Kio's tinted bike helmet.

The raped world is moving towards and past me at a slower rate than before as I approach Ritsuka's house, the only one around that has the curtain pulled back, a black rectangle – my entrance. I've climbed up, oh so many times I've done this, and now stand before that eerie darkness and peer inside.

No.

No. No. No. No. NO! NO! NO! NO!

Ritsuka! No, no, no! Ristuka no! What…WHAT?! I JUST LEFT FROM HERE!

There on the bed, oh how hard I'm hitting the damn window!, there is Ritsuka, his hands spread out to his side, and pinned there….by knives. By knives driven into his hands as if he were Christ being crucified, and he very well might be, that… that _fucking_ woman standing above him is that same soldier that pierced his heart!

Finally I break the damn thing! And I run in, run in, run in, I have to save Ritsuka!

Throwing that heathen creature off of him I stand to the side in horror, hands over him, not able to think; shirtless, for one he is shirtless in this frozen hell, this frozen firey hell that been induced by the woman looking satanically up at me from the floor, gripping the long and pointed and already bloodied (by the stab wound in Ritsuka's bleeding stomach I see now, one of two!) kitchen knife. That same wound, I now have my hands over, one on each, trying to stop the bleeding. Thankfully…Oh Ritsuka…oh _Ritsuka, no…._ the attack wasn't too long ago. He splutters, he's been spluttering from the first moment he saw me, and blood oozes slowly - _slowly _is a good sign… not too much damage to his innards- from it… Oh _Ritsuka…_ Now she's stood. '_Get away from him! He's no son of mine! He has to die so the real Ritsuka can come back! Move away! Move away or I'll… I'll…I'LL DO IT!'_ She holds that damning knife to her throat, and I laugh, a bitter thing, my eyes not leaving Ritsuka's, but relaying to my mind her position regardless. '_Ritsuka…Ritsuka, oh Ritsuka' _I hear myself moan. No… what… what about tomorrow? What about our picnic? Our movie? All the things I have planned for us tomorrow and the tomorrow after that… and after that...And the one after that….

'_Ritsuka…' _I moan again, _'Ritsuka, if you can hear me, please…please… nod for me, okay? Nod for me, Ritsuka…'_ He does so with a gasp and a cough, and another cough and another and another gasp. '_Oh, Ritsuka…why didn't you _call_?...' _I sob to myself.

'_Get away from him! I have to stop his heart or my Ritsuka won't come back!' 'STUPID WOMAN! __**YOUR**__ Ritsuka will never come back, __**never**__. He's dead. They killed him! He won't come back! He left you! He left you! He hated you so much that he chose death over you! Do it! Off yourself! Off yourself and go to your __**precious**__ other Ritsuka!'_

With a final scream I hear the sickly sound of blood being split, her pathetic _gasping_ and know that she'll never hurt Ritsuka again. I lift up my hand and immediantly replace it, his dark essence flowing with a _vengence_ when I did, I check the other - the the same. I near crying now…Ritsuka…no… what would I do without you?..._NO_!

I look around, and not spotting Ritsuka's phone anywhere, as quickly as I can, I reach into my own pocket and pull out mine, dialing 911. I look up into Ritsuka's eyes, what was once vibrant purple, was now dark lavender, and through his bloodstained face he smiles at me, a more torturous wound I could not think of. A smile at peace with his own death. No. Ritsuka you will not leave me in this violated world. You will not dare. This is a command that you will not defy. I hold the phone between my shoulder and ear and …and…_oh_... I look down again and he... and he just _smiles_… another cough.. another splurting of blood, then back to looking intentingly and smiling with the joint forces of his innocence and purity at me. I lean down and kiss him, his life force warm and penny-smelling against my lips. I feel him pressing into the touch with a weak ability, and I pull back, tears already forming…surprising me that they did not rush to the scene first. I close my eyes and try to block out the expected whimpers or screams, or yells of anguish, or hell, even moans of masochistic pleasure as I remove a hand again, this time, from the more shallow of the wounds, and pull out the two knives, no sound of pain, no sounds at all, and I fear I was too late...They fall with a muted _thud_ onto the carpet. Those damn knives, the blades of sharpened metal that would have surely nearly killed my Ritsuka, the slants of steel that rejected the iron in his blood, the push-pins that were cruely stabbed into the beautiful, blue, butterfly's wings - those two nails…hammered into the hands of my savior-- bring back the words that had changed within their first syllable. _'W-Would you die, w-w…for me?', _I knew now. _'Would you die with me?'_

Breifly and almost subconciously I look back at the utensils upon the surface of the dark sea, waiting for someone to pick up the other line, and I hesitate not one bit. I would.

_'9-1-1, what's your emergency?'_

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**Hope any who read enjoyed, I went back and fixed a few things...so if you were on the alert list and got this...that'd be why. Will SOMEONE let me know if they'd like a sequel to this? PM me and I'll think about it. I had a lot of fun writing it, as I hope you did _reading_. Well...yes. ;) that's all.**


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